


And They All Fall Down

by Hells_Ice_Heavens_Fire



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-06
Updated: 2012-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-23 09:23:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23009269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hells_Ice_Heavens_Fire/pseuds/Hells_Ice_Heavens_Fire
Summary: Rachel said yes and then everything came into sharp focus.This was written right after Finn proposed to Rachel, before Micheal, and then Micheal aired and the author incorporated some elements of that episode in here, but this is very much an alternative reality.
Relationships: Rachel Berry & Jesse St. James, Rachel Berry & Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	And They All Fall Down

“Rachel Berry…will you marry me?”

Six words and Rachel felt her whole world condense and explode. Fireworks. Six words and she felt powerful and speechless.

“I...You didn’t ask my Dads.” Rachel said, standing so suddenly the chair crashes down to the ground and Finn starts. She knew he hasn’t asked her daddies, because if he had and they said yes, they would have been buzzing with excitement and she would have noticed. Besides, Finn would have been at her house recently, which he hadn’t been, so he obviously hadn’t asked permission yet.

“Rach…I just asked you, why do I need to ask your parents? Isn’t that, like, old fashioned anyway? And besides, it seems a little strange to ask them, you know?” Finn said, standing up and shuffling, closing the little jewelry case and putting it in his pocket.

“Asking _permission_ is traditional and archaic, yes, but asking them for their blessing is something that is very important to a long lasting marriage, especially since I have such a good relationship with them. Oh, Finn, this is perfect! You ask them, they’ll give their blessing, and we can go to New York and I can go to NYADA and maybe you can get a job nearby and help pay rent. Between you, me, and Kurt we’ll surely be able to afford a nice little apartment in New York. And Kurt can help plan the wedding and babysit when, down the road when I have a Tony, we have children and – and – this is going to be perfect!” Rachel threw her arms around Finn, kissing him on the cheek, before dashing away, intent on finding Kurt to tell him the wonderful news.

She had no idea the consequences of her actions.

* * *

Rachel was sitting on Kurt’s bed, smiling as he and Blaine argued over which tie Blaine was allowed to wear to his mother’s party. Kurt couldn’t go with Blaine, so instead he just took over what Blaine could and could not wear. She imagined that she and Finn would act much the same way, once they were married and in New York. She’d have to learn how to tie a tie on someone else…

“Rachel? Hello, anyone in there?” Kurt said breaking her out of her daydreams. Blaine was gone and Kurt was staring at her confusedly. She had a speech prepared for this moment; she was practicing it in the car on the way over. But then Kurt was looking at her and they were finally alone and she couldn’t seem to remember what order her words were supposed to be in.

“Finn asked me to marry him!” Exploded out of her mouth before she could stop herself and she squealed at the words, jumping up to hug Kurt. “We’re going to be family!”

She realized something was wrong when Kurt’s arms didn’t come up to hug her back. She jumped away, wondering if maybe she shouldn’t have given into her impulse to hug him and announced her attentions first.

“I think I misheard you, Rachel, could you repeat what you just said?” Kurt said, looking dazed and…something she can’t seem to place. There’s something there that looks foreign and out of place.

“I said, Finn asked me to marry him.” Rachel said again, with less enthusiasm, still looking at Kurt’s face, trying to read him.

“I need to sit down.” Kurt muttered, standing stock still in front of her. This wasn’t going the way she thought it would at all.

“Can’t you just be happy for me?” Rachel said quietly, starting to get angry.

“Rachel, I…don’t you think you’re rushing into this? What happened to Broadway and New York and – ”

“Who says those things are off the books? I’m still doing all that, Kurt, why can’t you just be more supportive? This is good news! I can have Finn and Broadway just like you can have Blaine and Broadway! This is a good thing! What can’t you let me have this?!” Rachel screamed at him before storming out of his room.

She didn’t need all this drama from him.

* * *

She didn’t feel up to recording herself that night, so she didn’t bother, just pops in a CD of the original Phantom of the Opera and sung along quietly, alone in her room. It doesn’t even occur to her that she missed recording the day before as well, so excited from Finn proposing.

* * *

She avoided Kurt the next day.

School passed as it usually did – in a haze of sound and music. She listened to her iPod in class, an ear bud hidden by her hair and waited for the day to pass her by. At lunch she sat sandwiched between Quinn and Tina, listened as they talked colleges and scholarships, and watched as Finn, Sam, Rory, and Artie all goofed off at the other end of the table.

Kurt alternately tried to get her attention and texted throughout their lunch period and she ignored him. She just couldn’t deal with what he’d say.

Glee passed in a bundle of energy, dancing, and singing. She didn’t remember any of the numbers by the time the seatbelt clicked together, locking her into Finn’s car as he drove her home. 

She went to bed early that night.

* * *

“Rachel! Rachel!” Kurt shouted, running towards her the next day, smile lighting up his face and her breath caught and her stomach may have flipped a little because no one really looked at her like they were excited to see her. She completely forgot why she had been ignoring him and smiled, wide and bright, as he came to a stop in front of her, a piece of paper thrust out in front of him like a badge of honor.

“I’m a Finalist!” He squealed, bubbly and smiling so wide and she had never seen him so happy and she was smiling and bouncing in place before she knew it, looking at his letter and…

Wait. If the letters for finalists of NYADA went out…she should have gotten one to. Her fathers hadn’t called or texted to say it came.

“What did yours say?”

“I didn’t get one.” Rachel whispered, the smile falling off her face while her feet planted themselves firmly on the ground.

_“Oh, and if you don’t get into NYADA…”_

She doesn’t remember when she started crying or when Kurt had gotten closer to wrap her in his arms as she cried her eyes out, her dreams being swept away right before her eyes. She was going to be one of those miserable people in Lima, the ones with 2 kids and a husband with a dead end job and broken dreams and broken hearts. She was never going to leave Lima.

She was a fool to think she ever would.

* * *

Kurt brought her home and her fathers fussed over her before sending her up to bed. That she didn’t even protest, even though it was just coming on 4 o’clock, made them visibly worry about her, but she was so drained she couldn’t bring herself to reassure them.

An hour later, a knock at her door caused her to get up to go tell her dad’s that she was fine, really, that she had just had a bad day. But her fathers weren’t on the other side of her door.

Jesse St. James wearing a blue t-shirt and jeans greets her instead. She honestly had no idea what he was doing in her house or what to say, so she just moved aside and he strode past her, looking upon her room as if he’d never seen it before. He stood in her room for a few minutes, the silence stretching.

“You’re probably wondering what I’m doing here.” Jesse said finally, looking at her _American Idiot: The Musical_ poster rather than her.

“Yes, actually I am rather curious about that.” Rachel said, shutting the door quietly before going to sit on her bed.

“You haven’t posted anything in awhile.” Jesse said, turning to look at her. “You never miss a day and then suddenly you missed three straight days. I half expected to come back here and see you dead or in the hospital or with laryngitis.” Jesse continued, pulling the chair from her vanity out so he could fall into it in a graceful flop. It was such a familiar move that she almost laughed.

“I’ve been busy. Senior year and all.” Rachel said robotically, more to just get the conversation moving that anything. Jesse arched an eyebrow at her skeptically. She huffed at him, crossing her arms across her chest before continuing. “The Warblers are actually really good and what with me trying to get into NYADA –” She stopped talking because thinking about how she wasn’t going to NYADA was just too painful.

“Funny that you would leave out the joyous news of your and Finn’s engagement. Isn’t that making you ‘busy’ too?” Jesse asked bitingly.

“I don’t know who told you about that but I really don’t think it’s any of your business.” Rachel said quietly. (And of course she _knew_. How could she not? The only two besides her who knew were Finn and Kurt, and only one boy still talks to Jesse – even if it is only once in a blue moon texts.) Jesse didn’t respond but she could feel his eyes burning into her, scalding in their judgment.

“Rach, you’re better than this.” Jesse finally said, so quietly she could barely hear him. The old nickname made her look up at him sharply. “You’re so much better than this, Rach. You deserve better than Finn Hudson, a boy who can barely walk let alone dance, a boy who has a mediocre voice at best, a boy who cheats on his girlfriend and then flits from one girl to the next for years never making up his mind. I told you once you deserve epic romance, and you do, Rach, you do. Not this.” Jesse continued, looking at her intently, eyes fixed on her face.

She wanted to tell him he was wrong. Wanted to tell him Finn wasn’t like that, wanted to defend his actions, his talents. But she couldn’t. She knew Finn couldn’t dance, knew he had an average voice. She knew this because singing with Finn never challenged her the way singing with Kurt did or singing with Mercedes did.

“He loves me.” Rachel said.

“I loved you, but that wasn’t enough, was it?”

“That’s entirely different.” Rachel said, trying to be indignant.

“Why? Because my love for you didn’t depend on you feeling doubtful?” Jesse asked, tilting his head.

“I’m not feeling doubtful! Finn loves me, Jesse, he _loves me_. He said he would go with me to New York, even if I don’t get into NYADA, which is looking more and more likely. He asked me to marry him and said I was the thing that made him feel special. And when I don’t get into NYADA, he’ll be the one good thing that I’ll have left because Kurt will leave me and Quinn is going to Yale and Santana and Brittany are going to Columbus and I don’t know what Mercedes is doing, but Finn will be my good thing in it all! When everyone leaves and we’re stuck here, he’ll take over Burt’s shop and we’ll be happy because we’re in love.” Rachel felt like she should be shouting, like she should be up on her feet and yelling at Jesse, not leaning forward on her bed and still half whispering, speaking with such emphasis it almost masked the way she desperately wanted to cry.

Jesse looked much like he did before he egged her that afternoon, so long ago, like he’s in pain and trying to hide it behind a mask of indifference.

“Rachel, the fact that there’s even a doubt in your mind that you’re getting into that school proves my point. You’re going to be a star, Rach, your name in lights. People will know your name and follow you around. There are better people for you, people who will be able to stand next to you and not in your shadow, people who will love every bit of you even the parts you don’t. Rachel, you’re not a thing that makes Finn special, you’re just special. And there are other people, more talented people, who would be able to shower you with that knowledge. You don’t deserve to be with someone who makes you think, for even a moment, that you won’t be getting out of this small town.” Jesse leaned forward, taking her hand in his and squeezed it.

They sat in silence until her papa tentatively knocked on the door some time later, wanting to know if Jesse was staying for dinner or not.

* * *

The letter informing her of her status as a finalist comes the next day and she ambushed Kurt at school to inform him of it. They jumped around, excited together, and he hugged her and she felt near faint with joy.

“Have you told Finn yet?”

“No, I…No.” Rachel said, not even bothering to elaborate. “But I got in!” She said, trying to get the excitement back into the conversation. “We’re going to New York together!”

When he hugged her, babbling about all the things they need to plan and when they should take a road trip to New York to scout out apartments and look into student housing, she smiled and imagined their future.

She ignored the fact that Finn was nowhere in those daydreams.

* * *

Finn kissed her cheek in greeting and she smiled up at him. He grinned and took her hand, walking her to class. He doesn’t seem to notice that she’s not wearing the ring.

She sings Hayley Westenra’s _Dark Waltz_ that night.

* * *

And now she sits on the bleachers watching Finn practice, waiting for a response text from Jesse. She watches her boyfriend – she won’t call him her fiancée, not when the ring he gave her sits in her desk drawer at home – and realizes she has to talk to him. She can’t keep drifting through the last few months here, letting him think…whatever it is that he’s thinking.

She’s still not sure what to say when Finn sits down next to her, dropping his things down in front of them, so she stays quiet.

“Remember when you used to watch me like this before? Before Glee and stuff.” Finn says, causing her to look at him. He’s not looking at her. “You used to say all this stuff about being special, remember? About how being a part of something special made you special.”

“Yes.” She says, not sure where Finn is going with this. “Finn, I – ”

“No, look, I’ve been thinking and…” Finn cuts her off, something that’s always annoyed her. “And like, this? This was my special thing. Being in glee with you, having you and Quinn around and…this was my special thing, you know? Singing. Being apart of something.” Finn says, shifting to look at her more fully.

“Finn, what is this about? As much as I like hearing that my ideas are remembered and honored, I fail to see why you’re telling me this.” Rachel says.

“Yeah, exactly, that’s what I’m getting at. I realized something – it took lots of talking to other people and stuff, but I do get it. I’m not your special thing, you’re my special thing. And that…that’s not how it’s supposed to be, you know? I just…I thought I knew what I was doing but now I don’t think I do and…I love you, right? I love you but I also like here. I like working at the garage and I don’t know anything about musicals and stuff. And whenever we talk, it’s like we’re both having different conversations. I don’t get you, I didn’t then and I don’t now. And I used to think that was okay, that’s just the way things were, but that’s not right is it?” Finn ends with a confused look, looking to her to make sense of things.

And she realizes that maybe she doesn’t have to say anything to Finn at all, that he’s come to many of the same conclusions that she had, just in his own way.

“Yes, that’s not how it’s supposed to work in a relationship. Communication is key to any working, long lasting relationship.” Rachel says.

“I think…this is it for us. You’re special, Rachel, you’re going to be special. And me…I’m special too. We’re special by ourselves. And…I think that’s a good thing. I like you, you’re a good friend, but you were never that great of a girlfriend. And, come to think of it, I don’t think I was that great of a boyfriend either. So…maybe we should stop. Go back to just being friends.” Finn says, standing up and smiling down at her goofily. She can feel the same warmth that she’s always felt when he smiled at her well up, but it’s less intense then it’s ever been – a soft, caramel warmth as opposed to a burning fire. She smiles up at him, watching as he picks up his duffle bag and leaves.

Her phone vibrates in her hands.

* * *

She gets Santana to break into Finn’s locker so she can give him his ring back the next day. If Santana is at all curious about the small box, she doesn’t show it, already talking a mile a minute about how sorry she is that the citizens of New York City will have to deal with “your incessantly loud singing and big eyebrows”. The sting from the other girl’s words are lessoned a great deal by the almost playful way Santana looks at her, as if they’re sharing a private joke.

She closes his locker door gently and the two girls walk off to lunch.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been posted after the author's death by her fannish Next of Kin. No comments will be answered, but they are appreciated.


End file.
